Lamar Odom said he regrets cheating on his ex-wife, Khloé Kardashian, and lying to her about his cocaine addiction during their four-year marriage. Lamar tells “People” that he wishes he “could have been more of a man” and it still bothers him now, three years after they divorced. He also said he misses the Kardashian family.

In excerpts from his upcoming book, “Darkness to Light,” he wrote that he was at his happiest after they married in 2009, one month after they met. But he eventually began having affairs and he wrote he couldn’t handle the “lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career, and infidelity.”

The book, “Darkness to Light,” is out May 28th.